Transference is one of psychotherapy’s most fascinating phenomena and a generally unknown mechanism through which positive change occurs.

As a concept, like many in psychotherapy, transference can feel quite abstract and I often question how well I actually understand it. So with that in mind I’ll try to break it down as clearly as possible.

Relational schema activation

First, it’s helpful to think about the notion of relational schema activation.

This seems a more complicated term than it actually is. All it means is that our experiences with other people form internal templates (expectations + sentiments) for relationships. These templates, or schemas, then unconsciously inform what we expect from others and how we feel around them.

From infancy onward, we begin building these patterns. For example, when a baby cries and a caregiver reliably responds with comfort, the infant’s mind gradually forms an implicit relational expectation that distress can bring care and that others are dependable. If the responses are inconsistent or absent, however, a different schema may form. The child may learn that other people are unpredictable or unable to meet their needs. Over time, the accumulation of relational experiences will become structured into internal schemas about how relating to other people will be. When that child starts to form relationships with other people, these already established relational schemas will inform the feelings and expectations they have regarding that relationship.

These schemas aren’t limited to primary caregivers. A child who repeatedly experiences harshness from authority figures may later, often unconsciously, anticipate judgement from teachers, supervisors, older adults. As cognitive abilities mature, these relational schema become more nuanced, and a person will subconsciously pick up on traits and cues in others and respond to them based on past experience.

Importantly, these relational schema do not rigidly determine how someone will feel or behave with everyone they meet. Real interactions are also shaped by the other person’s actual behaviour, the situation at hand, in-the-moment assessments and choices, and a host of other factors. But these schemas will always be present, providing an interpretive context that subtly influences our perceptions and reactions.

Transference

These relational schema form the basis for transference. As I understand it, transference is the process of unconsciously bringing the expectations and feelings within these relational schema onto relationships in the present. It’s not a deliberate projection, but an automatic way the mind uses past relational knowledge to inform current interactions

So continuing that previous example, a new manager subconsciously reminds you of a critical parent, creating feelings of intimidation or defensiveness that seem disproportionate to the situation. Or, that child who didn’t receive consistent affection may, without intending to, interpret a neutral remark from a friend as rejection and become guarded. In both cases, the person is responding to what is happening now, but within the context of previous relational expectations.

Transference is not unusual or pathological. It’s an inevitable part of how we relate to people and we all rely, to some degree, on prior relational experience to anticipate how others will respond to us. However, transference assumes a slightly different role in psychotherapy.

Transference in Psychotherapy

 In psychotherapy, transference is deliberately engaged with to bring these unconscious relational schema into awareness. While the spoken content of therapy is important, therapy is also about creating a space where these relational schemas that often underlie emotional difficulties can surface and be explored.

Transference emerges more clearly in therapy because the therapeutic relationship mirrors some of the dynamics in formative early relationships with primary caregivers. Like with an infant and a parent, one (the patient/infant) is dependent and seeks help from the other (parent/therapist). Attention and care flows from the parent/therapist to the patient/infant. Classic psychotherapists are encouraged to be neutral**CLARIFY**, thereby mirroring the one-sided emotional exposure of infant-caregiver relationships.

This creates the conditions for these early, fundamental relational patterns to be activated. When the therapist maintains some neutrality by not clarifying feelings or giving reassurances, the client is left to make sense of the therapist’s reactions for themselves. In doing so, they inevitably draw on their existing relational schemas, projecting expectations shaped by past relationships. In this process, these underlying schemas become visible and available for exploration.

How do we know it even happens?

So this idea is somewhat intuitive, but how do we know transference even happens? Well, it was Freud* who first identified it (Freud, The Dynamics of Transference, 1912). He noted that patients would often interact with him in ways that didn’t seem rational or proportionate to his actions or words. They would become excessively attached, or angry, disappointed, dependent, flirtatious, etc. For a while he believed that something had gone wrong in the therapeutic interaction, but these disproportionate engagements were too consistent and patterned that he felt they had to be psychologically meaningful. One famous case is Dora (Fragments of an Analysis of a Case of Hysteria, 1905), who consistently compared Freud to her father and interact with him in ways that bore resemblance to a child-parent dynamic. When this therapy was abruptly ended, he considered it a failure as he had failed to acknowledge and engage with this transference.

“I did not succeed in mastering the transference in good time… At the beginning it was clear that I was replacing her father in her imagination…” (Translated by Library of Congress)

Transference happens constantly, with everyone, all the time and is now considered a fundamental aspect of psychotherapy. Carl Rogers, a foundational figure in psychology, writes:

“If transference attitudes are defined as emotionalized attitudes which existed in some other relationships, and which are inappropriately directed to the therapist, then transference attitudes are evidence in a considerable proportion of cases handled by client-centered therapists” (Client-Centered Therapy, 1951)

 *Most people have heard about Freud, for better or for worse. Whatever you may have heard, I’d like to emphasise that he was without doubt a genius and revolutionary pioneer in our understanding of the mind. Yes, some of his theories lacked empirical evidence and have since been revised or rejected. Yes, he engaged with many taboo ideas. Yes, some theories reflected harmful social attitudes of the time. But nonetheless a fascinating figure whose writing is both challenging and completely remarkable.  

So how does awareness of transference help things?**

So in this case Freud did not yet understand the clinical significance of transference. Over time, he came to recognise it as a central mechanism of treatment. So now that we are more aware of it, how does it actually help in therapy?

As mentioned, the therapist’s neutrality opens up a ‘space’ for the client’s mind to fill in relational expectations. This differs from everyday relationships, where transference will occur but is confirmed or challenged by the actions of the other person. Friends, partners, or colleagues can clarify their intentions, contradict assumptions, or simply behave differently to your expectations. Over time, these interactions will teach you to adjust, hide, or suppress those transference dynamics to avoid conflict or discomfort.

Therapy is different. Because the setting is contained and non-retaliatory there is less pressure to hide or regulate these reactions. Clients can express thoughts and feelings they would normally hold back, and importantly, stay with emotions they would normally dismiss, avoid, or explain away.

Freud argued that much psychological suffering comes from repeating these unconscious relational schema without awareness. It’s not that there’s some conscious belief where one expects abandonment or criticism, one just lives with the expectation that it will happen. When these expectations are met they feel self-evident (‘this is normal, that’s just how people are’), or if they’re not met it can be rationalised in a way that preserves the established schema.

Therapy interrupts this cycle. The dynamics are confined to the relationships in the room and aren’t abstracted into generalisations about human nature, or rationalised away. As a client, you’ll be encouraged to stay with those expectations and feelings as they emerge, and there will be no feedback from the therapist to either confirm or validate them.

So as the transference unfolds, the expectations contributing to psychological difficulty can be challenged in real time. Freud recognised that it takes more than awareness to change relational schemas, and the mind needs emotional and relational evidence. So when the client brings into the therapy room some negative expectation from some established relational schema, and that expectation does not occur, the mind can begin to reframe relational expectations. Over time, these shifts can reduce the discomfort, anxiety, or irrational behaviour that was previously influenced by relational schemas.

This still feels like a tricky idea to grasp in the abstract so I’ll use this (very simplified) example to expand on how transference unfolds in and out of the therapy room.

A:

A grew up with highly critical parents. He learned ‘If I speak up I’ll be judged or rejected’. This is his relational schema.

Outside the therapy room:

 A shares an idea in a work meeting. His colleague nods politely but doesn’t give much feedback. He interprets this through his old critical-parent pattern onto the colleague: ‘they must think my idea is bad and that I’m incompetent’. The feeling of anxiety and embarrassment is familiar and convincing. Having expected judgement and criticism so often, he finds it of no surprise that it’s happening again. To soothe this discomfort he thinks ‘people are so judgemental’ or ‘I’m just not good enough. The old schema is reinforced, he avoids sharing in future meetings, and the anxiety persists.

Inside the therapy room:

 A tells his therapist: ‘I feel like you judge me when I speak about my mistakes’. The old critical-parent schema is active. The therapist stays neutral and attentive, gently inquiring into the nature of the feeling. They are not critical, nor do they reassure. A experiences the old expectation as it unfolds but with no confirmation or retaliation. Maybe for the first time, A can begin to observe the expectation rather than simply react to it. The experience shifts from ‘this is happening to me’ to ‘I notice I’m expecting this to happen’.

Over time, A repeatedly experiences the therapist as steady and non-critical, even when the expectation of judgement arises. Gradually, this provides new emotional evidence that challenges the underlying relational schema. The old expectation begins to lose its certainty and emotional intensity. As it no longer feels inevitable that he will be criticised or judged, the anxiety that once accompanied self-expression starts to weaken. 

This process has been so established in generating positive impacts that there is now even courses specifically on ‘Transference-Focused Psychotherapy’.

Positive, Negative and Erotic Transference

While transference is often discussed in terms of negative aspects of relational schemas, one can also project positive relational patterns onto the therapist. The client may unconsciously experience the therapist as especially caring, wise, or understanding. This can strengthen the therapeutic alliance by increasing trust and openness, allowing the client to engage more fully in the work.

But it can also feel burdensome. It may create unrealistic expectations about what the therapist can provide or achieve and when those expectations aren’t met, result in disappointment. It may foster over-dependence as neutral behaviour is interpreted as special warmth or affection.

Erotic transference refers to the development of sexual or romantic feelings towards the therapist, and it’s more common than you may think. These feelings usually aren’t about the therapist as a person, but what they represent psychologically in terms of safety, acceptance, validation, and emotional attunement. Because these experiences overlap with how attraction is felt the emotional intensity can be powerful. Erotic transference may shift the client’s focus away from self-exploration and toward trying to please or impress the therapist. Or it may repeat earlier relational patterns in which validation was sought through desirability. If these hopes are not fulfilled, disappointment or resentment can emerge.

Transference, positive, negative, or erotic, is never the problem. These raw psychological materials emerge from the unconscious – a messy, abstract, and irrational place. Therapy offers a setting in which they can be observed as they arise rather than acted out automatically. In the process, the usual defences we employ to resolve these difficult internal dynamics can be challenged and gradually reshaped. A skilled therapist will help to make you aware of the pattern, link it to earlier experiences, explore what it says about your needs, and in the process, challenge how it may be negatively and unconsciously affecting your life outside therapy.

Transference is not an obstacle, but a hugely valuable clinical asset. It provides a window into the unconscious and into the deeper structures that shape how we relate to others and to ourselves.

Related Ideas

Countertransference

The Repetition Compulsion

Projection

Object Relations (Melanie Klein)